Rag Doll

(October 27, 2011 9:27 pm est) I am tired of being your rag doll. I have spread myself far and wide for people who I could never say no to I have been a rag doll for many men A slave willingly offering my feminine sexuality Offering the opening of myself to be engulfed for nothingContinue reading “Rag Doll”

Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness

The very need to for me to have created a false image in place of my authentic self is a sign that something hurt me very deeply. The sign that my authentic self was judged as wrong or bad and that I took on those beliefs. I wanted to be someone else if the realContinue reading “Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness”

Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie

My abuser used intimidation to make me feel like I wasn’t free.  It (the feeling of being intimidated) makes me turn away from approaching certain areas of myself inside my body. I feel a since of fight or flight whenever I feel like being happy, enjoying my day, being pretty, singing a song, being spontaneous,Continue reading “Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie”

People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)

Last night I was up making psychic life decisions (that is usual as of late). Come to find out Mars is transiting my Mars placement in the 12th house, so, I haven’t really been able to do anything but meditate and rash out what is really important to me psychically. Questions that have come to mindContinue reading “People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)”

Rant #2

I will never call you mother again. I spend most of my thought process thinking of you and why, and why, why would you, how could you, there is no way possible that someone could know what they were doing and kill a child’s spirit, courage, and will to live. Yes there is, you areContinue reading “Rant #2”

You Can’t Manipulate Life to get what you Want

Growing up I was taught by watching my parents that how you manifest what you want is by trying to manipulate life.  Boy did they scheme, get rich quick plans, ice cream trucks, moving and shaking here and there, promotions at work and they were miserable. My step – father would talk about his dreamsContinue reading “You Can’t Manipulate Life to get what you Want”