My Childhood Part 1

( My first Blog post, October 6, 2011) In effort to bring awareness to my podcast, The Trigger Happy Workbook Podcast, I will be posting the beginning of my online journey sharing my story. I started blogging out of a need to spill out what I was processing and not feel alone. I wanted toContinue reading “My Childhood Part 1”

Rag Doll

(October 27, 2011 9:27 pm est) I am tired of being your rag doll. I have spread myself far and wide for people who I could never say no to I have been a rag doll for many men A slave willingly offering my feminine sexuality Offering the opening of myself to be engulfed for nothingContinue reading “Rag Doll”

Wasteland Love

Come join me in my wasteland I promise I have a cure I lure you into my fakeland No Faceland empty promiseland subract and minus and Void plus you There are things you will find I do it to myself Questionings, Doubt, can’t feel and don’t move Scouring and Burning The sensations devouring I didn’tContinue reading “Wasteland Love”

Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness

The very need to for me to have created a false image in place of my authentic self is a sign that something hurt me very deeply. The sign that my authentic self was judged as wrong or bad and that I took on those beliefs. I wanted to be someone else if the realContinue reading “Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness”

The Invulnerability of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers – Grieving

I am feeling so numb and broken down right now. I feel like some people don’t like me because there is no entry point, I don’t let people “in,” and I demand respect/boundaries. I shut people out and I show them what I want to show them. I told you all that my N-mom wasContinue reading “The Invulnerability of Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers – Grieving”

My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me

She’s here. She found me. Yesterday I was walking out of my job and she comes from around the corner like its normal for us to see each other and she says,”Hi,” and keeps walking into the grocery store while I’m shouting her name. I couldn’t believe it was her. I was in complete andContinue reading “My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me”

Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie

My abuser used intimidation to make me feel like I wasn’t free.  It (the feeling of being intimidated) makes me turn away from approaching certain areas of myself inside my body. I feel a since of fight or flight whenever I feel like being happy, enjoying my day, being pretty, singing a song, being spontaneous,Continue reading “Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie”

People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)

Last night I was up making psychic life decisions (that is usual as of late). Come to find out Mars is transiting my Mars placement in the 12th house, so, I haven’t really been able to do anything but meditate and rash out what is really important to me psychically. Questions that have come to mindContinue reading “People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)”

Rant #2

I will never call you mother again. I spend most of my thought process thinking of you and why, and why, why would you, how could you, there is no way possible that someone could know what they were doing and kill a child’s spirit, courage, and will to live. Yes there is, you areContinue reading “Rant #2”