My Childhood Part 1

( My first Blog post, October 6, 2011) In effort to bring awareness to my podcast, The Trigger Happy Workbook Podcast, I will be posting the beginning of my online journey sharing my story. I started blogging out of a need to spill out what I was processing and not feel alone. I wanted toContinue reading “My Childhood Part 1”

Rag Doll

(October 27, 2011 9:27 pm est) I am tired of being your rag doll. I have spread myself far and wide for people who I could never say no to I have been a rag doll for many men A slave willingly offering my feminine sexuality Offering the opening of myself to be engulfed for nothingContinue reading “Rag Doll”

The Wrong Reflection

If people aren’t like you What are they like? If  I’m not like you What am I like? people can  see me Can’t they? I should ask them “What am I like?” I need to hear flatteries Saying nothing about me is just as bad as Shame triggering poisonous attacks makes me try harder toContinue reading “The Wrong Reflection”

As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding

Sometimes I’m ashamed of where I’m at because choosing to do the truth after I’ve lived a lie for so long is like turning the titanic around. There were so many shields of protection that I was using to keep the truth about my patterns hidden from me. As I desire to be as unentangledContinue reading “As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding”

I want to be lost

I want to be lost I’ve used that as a shield never before have I looked up to you and not have to feel sherds of self protection I don’t want to be hardened I don’t want that part of my life to be real I’ve tried to knock myself out The parts of meContinue reading “I want to be lost”

The Fairest of them All . . . Finally

“Hey, when she calls, right, tell her ass that I locked myself in my room, and I’m sitt’in in the corner rock’in  and I’m say’in,” makes retarded gesture and in the ghostly voice says, “whhhy . . . whhy . . . whhhhy.” The two sisters burst into laughter. “What the hell!,” Olivia can barelyContinue reading “The Fairest of them All . . . Finally”

Self-Hate Embrace

Why should I trust you again I had to love you Silent wars on you Couldn’t Breathe without you Hard to sleep, nightmares about you How did it feel Getting your ass handed to you The Door slammed in your face At 18 pregnant with me The memory is in the fibers of matrix IContinue reading “Self-Hate Embrace”

Am I Dead?

My dreams never came true Am I dead? My biggest shame. My biggest melt down in life. I have never come back from Something in me has given up For all time I suppressed this The thought ‘I minus well be a stripper’ because I felt that becoming an object of a man’s sexual desireContinue reading “Am I Dead?”

What Blue Ivy Will Never Have to Feel aka Trauma Vortex

8 legs in the air frantically frailling Somebody abandoned the infant Like she was a roach, a turtle, or a centipede that always screams like that anyway Bombastic squeals that no one ever hears Only what’s behind my obvious poker face reveals, the Fire in the bottom of my back Rage and under – attackContinue reading “What Blue Ivy Will Never Have to Feel aka Trauma Vortex”