Rag Doll

(October 27, 2011 9:27 pm est) I am tired of being your rag doll. I have spread myself far and wide for people who I could never say no to I have been a rag doll for many men A slave willingly offering my feminine sexuality Offering the opening of myself to be engulfed for nothingContinue reading “Rag Doll”

As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding

Sometimes I’m ashamed of where I’m at because choosing to do the truth after I’ve lived a lie for so long is like turning the titanic around. There were so many shields of protection that I was using to keep the truth about my patterns hidden from me. As I desire to be as unentangledContinue reading “As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding”

I want to be lost

I want to be lost I’ve used that as a shield never before have I looked up to you and not have to feel sherds of self protection I don’t want to be hardened I don’t want that part of my life to be real I’ve tried to knock myself out The parts of meContinue reading “I want to be lost”

Am I Dead?

My dreams never came true Am I dead? My biggest shame. My biggest melt down in life. I have never come back from Something in me has given up For all time I suppressed this The thought ‘I minus well be a stripper’ because I felt that becoming an object of a man’s sexual desireContinue reading “Am I Dead?”

What Blue Ivy Will Never Have to Feel aka Trauma Vortex

8 legs in the air frantically frailling Somebody abandoned the infant Like she was a roach, a turtle, or a centipede that always screams like that anyway Bombastic squeals that no one ever hears Only what’s behind my obvious poker face reveals, the Fire in the bottom of my back Rage and under – attackContinue reading “What Blue Ivy Will Never Have to Feel aka Trauma Vortex”

Rant #3 – Run Bitch Run

What runs me is the programming that my mother relentlessly and violently punked into me. Which is let go of everything and let me tell you who you are and how to be. Don’t touch nothing, don’t do anything, don’t want anything, unless it is authorized by me, and that will be hardly ever. RAGEContinue reading “Rant #3 – Run Bitch Run”

My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me

She’s here. She found me. Yesterday I was walking out of my job and she comes from around the corner like its normal for us to see each other and she says,”Hi,” and keeps walking into the grocery store while I’m shouting her name. I couldn’t believe it was her. I was in complete andContinue reading “My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me”

Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie

My abuser used intimidation to make me feel like I wasn’t free.  It (the feeling of being intimidated) makes me turn away from approaching certain areas of myself inside my body. I feel a since of fight or flight whenever I feel like being happy, enjoying my day, being pretty, singing a song, being spontaneous,Continue reading “Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie”

Rant #2

I will never call you mother again. I spend most of my thought process thinking of you and why, and why, why would you, how could you, there is no way possible that someone could know what they were doing and kill a child’s spirit, courage, and will to live. Yes there is, you areContinue reading “Rant #2”