What does it mean to be Good Enough or Not Good Enough?

I’m in a romantic relationship. Relationships in general are hard for me whether its romantic or not. I can be very biting and wounded animal-ish. It brings out my shadows and demons. I just don’t feel good enough and I’m afraid that people feel that way about me. That’s a sensation that cuts and hurts.Continue reading “What does it mean to be Good Enough or Not Good Enough?”

The Wrong Reflection

If people aren’t like you What are they like? If  I’m not like you What am I like? people can  see me Can’t they? I should ask them “What am I like?” I need to hear flatteries Saying nothing about me is just as bad as Shame triggering poisonous attacks makes me try harder toContinue reading “The Wrong Reflection”

As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding

Sometimes I’m ashamed of where I’m at because choosing to do the truth after I’ve lived a lie for so long is like turning the titanic around. There were so many shields of protection that I was using to keep the truth about my patterns hidden from me. As I desire to be as unentangledContinue reading “As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding”

Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness

The very need to for me to have created a false image in place of my authentic self is a sign that something hurt me very deeply. The sign that my authentic self was judged as wrong or bad and that I took on those beliefs. I wanted to be someone else if the realContinue reading “Moving out of Victim Consciousness / Experiencing Discomfort and Goodness”

BEINGness Lost and Found – Somatic Experience

The consistent abuse that narcissistic parents inflict on their children is imposing on our emotional, mental, psychic, and physical sense of being. However you are naturally inclined to BE is wrong. They way you talk is wrong, the way you walk is wrong, the way you eat is wrong, the way you smile is wrong,Continue reading “BEINGness Lost and Found – Somatic Experience”

My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me

She’s here. She found me. Yesterday I was walking out of my job and she comes from around the corner like its normal for us to see each other and she says,”Hi,” and keeps walking into the grocery store while I’m shouting her name. I couldn’t believe it was her. I was in complete andContinue reading “My Narcissistic Mother is STalking Me”

People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)

Last night I was up making psychic life decisions (that is usual as of late). Come to find out Mars is transiting my Mars placement in the 12th house, so, I haven’t really been able to do anything but meditate and rash out what is really important to me psychically. Questions that have come to mindContinue reading “People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)”

You Can’t Manipulate Life to get what you Want

Growing up I was taught by watching my parents that how you manifest what you want is by trying to manipulate life.  Boy did they scheme, get rich quick plans, ice cream trucks, moving and shaking here and there, promotions at work and they were miserable. My step – father would talk about his dreamsContinue reading “You Can’t Manipulate Life to get what you Want”